Hidden Or Truthful Communication? Try Not To Cover Up Your Emotions

Kevin apologized to Melissa after he missed an appointment. It was a simple misunderstanding, so Melissa said she wasn’t really upset, just annoyed and unhappy. But Kevin sensed there was much more to it. Melissa’s smirk seemed forced and he felt there was a lot more she wanted to say, but Melissa insisted they forget about it and move on. Still, Kevin had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his belly.

Emotional Incongruence

Emotional genuineness – acknowledging your true feelings – initiates enlightened conflict resolution. Yet this could be compromised by emotional incongruence: denying or trying to cover your true feelings, either intentionally or not.

A lot of people have learned to hide their feelings. They have learned to be guarded since dropping the mask and being emotionally honest can result in feeling vulnerable. Within the heat of the moment, it might be hard to see how honesty and vulnerability might be excellent, how totally disarming they could be and how essential they are to building trust and compassion.

Now, in the heat of the moment, hiding seems like an even better idea. And to make it far more complex, sometimes you know you are doing it, and occasionally you don’t. At times you lie about your feelings to get the upper hand.

It’s nearly always a self-defeating move because it is so transparent. Folks may not notice the deceit right away, but right after they have had a chance to reflect, the truth usually dawns. They may not confront you since it is not worth the effort, but they are going to feel wary and just “go polite” and keep their distance.

At other times, you may be out of touch with your feelings and attempt to fool yourself into maintaining a specific self-image. Maybe you’re attempting to keep up the appearance of being kind or spiritual or in control. But just under the surface, the fear of looking bad, or being wrong or cast aside, dictates your defensiveness.

Others almost always encounter your defensiveness as aggression, which escalates quarrels. You may believe you’re communicating clearly, but you’re sending mixed signals.

Mixed Signals

The words of a conversation are transported on an invisible carrier wave of emotion. Far more potent than the words alone, the emotion is “louder.” Consequently, one of the worst things you can do is lie about your feelings or try to hide them.

Just as it is easy to tell when a person is being emotionally incongruent, it can be equally hard to know when you are doing it yourself. It could be extremely tough for men and women who hold a high value for peace or kindness to be truthful with themselves, or anyone else for that matter, with regards to their darker emotions.

It can create a deep inner conflict to have “hateful” feelings if you see yourself as a “nice” individual. When you have been a victim of emotional violence, it may be even more challenging.

Over time, individuals automatically suppress feelings they determine to be “bad.” This leads to acute emotional incongruence. What may be so crazy making is you can’t feel the feelings you are transmitting to other people.

In the event you desire to be emotionally congruent, you have to recognize the significance of learning to feel safe with all your emotions. Look to see the role fear or anger has played within your life. Once you narrow that down, you can be on the way to living a more congruent emotional love life. When skeptical moments arise, consult a professional by exploring: guy get girl, guy gets girl, or guy gets girl review.

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